Affair – Is The Dirty Word In A Relationship.

Posted on by thedigger0

The group that hacked into the Ashley Madison dating site certainly bought data security into the open. It also propelled already damaged relationships into further chaos. Could you imagine being in a relationship going about your day to find that your partner on the data base of a website that practices extra martial affairs.

Obviously this partnership has had its issues, no relationship is without them, however now the spouse has to deal with adultery.

Or

You have been at your current job for five years. You and your colleague were employed on the same day. A strong and supportive relationship has developed over time.

On Mondays you openly talk about what you did on the weekends with your partner and kids. You have shared times when the home environment has hit a rocky patch. Your spouse’s know one another and on the odd occasion, all four of you have all gone out together.

Your home relationship takes a turn for the worst and you are both discussing this matter at a work event. It becomes obvious that you’re attracted to one another. This creates an opportunity to turn this relationship into more than just work mates.

The first scenario is pre-motivated with the intent to indulge in an extra marital affair. However the second situation is founded on trust and support. There is nothing sordid about the later. These people have known each other for years.

Yet no excuse stops the pain a spouse feels when they find out about an affair. Nothing eases the surprise, the betrayal or the heartache.

Nothing eases the pain, surprise, betrayal or heartache a spouse feels when finding out about an affair. Share on X

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Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Would.

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Have you ever felt hurt or defeated by that person who you were so charmed by but they ended up being a fraud. You listened closely and absorbed everything they said and did.

In fact, due to the information you gathered about them, they were your new best friend and boy were they fun. To find out down the track they were a sham. Nothing that came out of their mouth was the truth, everything they did was opposite to what they had to say.

Now you know better and you feel like crap. But should you? You can’t be responsible for the actions of others. How they represented themselves has absolutely nothing to do with you. How could it? You just met them.

Of course you want to believe people at face value. Why should you be questioning someone else’s motives? If you are evaluating whether a person is the ‘real deal’ then you are giving them too much time. But it also indicates that something does not add up and you don’t trust them.

Sure we’re going to be affected by people who lie with a smile on their face. But they damage their own reputation and credibility. It’s not your load to deal with. We have enough friends that give us what we need. We reach out for new connections because we are social beings.

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Gossip – Is a Backward Compliment.

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Gossip excludes individuals.

You glance around the room, to find those same three people looking at you and then laughing or whispering amongst themselves. The first time this happened you were left wounded and hurt. Then you reprimand yourself for thinking others would gossip about you.

Most days, you are faced with the same behaviour. They have confirmed that you are a source of their chatter because they make comments about you within hearing distance.

They invest so much time and effort in you, that it leaves you feeling a number of raw emotions. Anger, paranoia, sadness and vulnerable.

You wonder what is so dam interesting about you; that can hold their attention for so long. This is what I call a backward compliment.

It is as if your presence places them under some magical spell – captivating them.

RELATED: The Dangers of Gossip. (This post is a story about gossip – great antidote).

Having to attend school, the work place or any situation where this type of behaviour exists; is a lot of pressure initially. It can impact us for hours after the situation has taken place. This is understandable when we first encounter circumstances such as this. We have no tools or experience with this sort of conduct.

When you first come across passive aggressive behaviour (hostile words said with a smile on their face), you may attempt to laugh it off; it’s uncomfortable but you are not so sure what is going on. You don’t want to create waves so you bare the brunt of an awkward situation. But it zaps all the positive energy from you.

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