You Don’t Go To War With The Pajamas On. Your Clothes Speak.

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You have been invited to a fancy dress party. Everyone is asked to wear clothes of their all-time favourite character.

Before the event you are very excited but get busy with other matters and forget all about it. The day arrives and you don’t have a costume. You don’t think too much of it and decide to go in your casual gear.

Upon arrival you are astonished to see everyone dressed in wonderful costumes. You start to feel a little self-conscious while you kick yourself for not putting this event in your diary.

You hand your invite to security at the door, but are refused entry as there is a strict dress code.

You’ve been invited by the hosts of the party and demand to speak with them. When they arrive at the door you immediately notice how disappointed they are by your appearance and this makes you feel even more uncomfortable.

Of course your friends lets you in, but you feel alienated. You see everyone playing up in their costumes but just can’t get into the swing of things. Even at costume parties we are dressed to a certain code.

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Saying No, It’s Only Being Assertive.

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Saying No, can be challenging for some.

“Darling, I know you have been up since 4 this morning but would you take the rubbish out, mend the fence and after dinner – do the dishes.

Don’t forget I want you in tip top condition, so we will go for a 45 minute run. And then I want you to make sweat passionate love to me.

Umm; I think that’s about all, but I will let you know if anything else comes up”.

The above statement is ridiculous. Do you feel obligated to say, ‘yes’ when people make a request? Is it possible that you are asking too much of yourselves when attempting to please everyone around you?

If the answer is yes, then rub your hands together and roll up your sleeves. Here is an area where you need to focus your attention on your own behaviour. The hard work is just about to begin.

The practice of being assertive and saying, ‘no’ is about to begin. We will also look at asking for your own needs to be fulfilled. Identifying these areas is the easy part. Putting this into action is where it gets a little murky.

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Arrogance is a chess game that nobody wants to play.

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The King’s Move.

Arrogance is comparable to a chess game, where the King is the only player. Always keen for the next move to be to his advantage, yet nobody has put their hand up to participate. There is no competition just a very trying person; wrapped in traits that hide insecurities.

The people surrounding the head of court are a team of Knights, Bishops, Pawns, Rooks and Queen and yet they are treated as the enemy when arrogance enforces its will. While the King maybe generous, witty and playful when it suits; the rage and personal attacks are always what his people remember.

Arrogance is not about a win-win situation. This type of behaviour walks through people, rather than guiding the group. Unpredictable conduct does not create a good leader. Some refer to it as being over confident. This not the case as it is unbalanced and very unhealthy. It’s aggressive and can strike out at any time.

It becomes embarrassing to witness and even be a part of. Everyone feels for the person who is at the end of the attack. But most of all, everyone is glad the tirade is not aimed at them.

It’s comparable to dancing to one person’s needy ways, because offending them will send them into fits of rage. An arrogant person doesn’t considerater/review their own behaviour but is very judgemental on those around them.

Negative chatter and whispers dominate the conversation when the King is not around. Upon his arrival a false charade is played out with fake smiles and behaviour.

His entourage recognise how fragile this arrogance is. It constantly requires appeasing to the Kings needs in order for the room to remain anything other than aggressive, condescending or disruptive.

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Do you make a left turn into self-discovery?

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Which direction takes you on the path to self-development?

You have arrived at a roundabout. Turn right to party hard; having no need for responsibilities or being accountable for your actions.

Go straight ahead to continue along on the same journey, maintaining the status quo. Or make a left turn to the path of self-discovery.

Okay so that is not exactly how it happens. But once you hit this self-development route there are only two options. You do nothing at all.

This choice leaves you with a whole lot of unanswered questions and possibly a tormented mind. Life can even become stagnate, if it is not already.

The second option is to take action. A mild word of caution, the beginning has the potential to disrupt our lives and create havoc.

Self-development is about examining ourselves for improvement. And this is where we can be left a little shaken up or even devastated by some of our flaws. And if you thought short cuts was going to get you there (I did) another rude awakening is on its way.

We may have to muster up every good quality we possess to see us through the following stages. Embrace the positives because this path is going to give you a roller coaster ride, leaving you breathless, stunned and a little excited.

As you are flying through the air at a fast speed wondering will this ever stop. All the while your belly feels a though it has taken up residence in your mouth.

Honing in your skills and working on yourself. The benefits outweigh the immediate discomfort. Although there is a gutsiness in shining a light on your own imperfections. Taking the opportunity to improve. The biggest challenge I have ever faced is my explosive temper.

This behaviour is a known family trait, passed on from one generation to the next. I am not attempting to use the blame game for my actions. I am far too old and proud to say, “mummy made me do it”. I own my behaviour.

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Say goodbye to ego and hello to change.

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Say good-bye to ego and hello to change.

I would choose a thousand enemies over the uncertainty that my mind creates when I am looking to change my behaviour.

Put your hand up in the air; if you are aware that self-doubt lingers within each and every one of us? It’s that negative nagging. We have all heard the following in our minds. I can’t do it because …………. (Fill in your excuses here).

Other times it can be a physical manifestation created from doubt. So strong that it can make us feel weak just with the thought of change.

We face two challenges when it comes to altering behavior patterns. The new actions we want to instill into our life; and that evil enemy sitting on one side of our shoulder whispering doubt.

You are up against your old rival called Ego. To some it represents as the scared little child within and church goers refer to it as the devil; where temptation teases us to take the wrong path.

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Meditation is NOT for me!

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You have heard it all before. To meditate all you have to do is sit in quiet spot, cross your legs, place your hands over your knees, close your eyes, concentrate on the breathing and prepare to relax. These basic rules are going to lead you to internal bliss. The research highlights this practise is good for you. Taking this action is going to make you smile just like the Dalai Lama.

Generally before you start something new, you buy an outfit, pay for a course, read about it or study a little – prepare in some way. But for this exercise; all you are required to do is sit and breathe. Really? How hard could that possibly be?

Your scheduled meditation time has arrived. You turn all the lights and any noise off and go to your allocated meditation spot. You take a couple of breaths and there is no magic. You take a couple more and now your mind has started nagging at you. Surely this can’t be right.

You shuffle around. Reposition yourself, blow out a big sigh and start again. Refocusing on the breathing. You may as well be at a party where a conversation is not an option because the music is so loud. You want to relax into peaceful pleasure but your mind has other ideas. It wants mental warfare to sit at the top of its thoughts.

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Don’t be fooled – Jealously is an urgent matter.

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The information I am about to share with you, should be titled the ugly truth. The story begins with the twisted mind of a jealous young person. The events that I speak of are shadowed with insecurity, self-doubt and reckless intention. However without such a lesson I could not be the person I am today. A kind and caring human being that values her own characteristics and those in others.

Years ago my ex-boyfriend began a relationship with an arch enemy of mine. While it sounds so silly to say that now, it is exactly how I felt all those years ago. It seemed she and I were attracted to the same guys. And for some unknown reason she drove me crazy. I felt compelled to ring and harass her whenever the opportunity arose. I rang her so often; her phone number was imprinted in my mind. The nastiness I penetrated towards her made me cross the line a number of times.

My friends starting hearing about what I had been up to and still I could do nothing but hate her with everything I had. Appearing like a lunatic was none too descriptive. This rage was blind, it was irrational and down-right mean. But most of all – it was a waste of time. Nobody gained anything from this situation. Although I continually felt tormented by a woman I barely knew.

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What is your writing process?

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Us poor writers! Such a rewarding yet agonising job. A completed article – evidence that our compulsion is worth it.

Do you have those days where turning the computer on, to do some work feels unbearable; even unnatural?

Or getting out of bed to finish a document makes you wish some illness had come over you in the night so you had a valid excuse to avoid word central.

Writing got a little easier once I realised I have a method in my madness. It was like building blocks – stacked upon one another; constructing a rather smooth process to get to a completed document.

Once this light bulb moment awakened me to my own procedure, the struggle became tolerable. I began to see writing as a creative process – possibly a gift, requiring continued patience and practice, in order to be able to call it my craft. So I had no choice but to label my steps.

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In my 40’s I…

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The clock continued its usual rhythm as I strolled into my 40’s. There were no fireworks or band playing to celebrate.

I felt it was the age of letting go and having a few decades of experience behind me, I decided it was out with the old and in with the new. What did this fresh outlook on life mean to me?

I reflected on the past and made a plan for the future. And this is what I came up with.

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