How Do You Respond To – “We Need To Talk”?

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“We need to talk.” We’re on guard as soon as we hear these words. In some circumstances we know what conversation will follow.

We mentally go back in history when we have no idea what’s coming. In a hurry to locate the cause for such a statement. Bracing ourselves. Generally going into survival mode.

This declaration tells us something is up. A person we respect is attempting to open up dialogue. Wanting to address an important issue.

These words don’t come from strangers. They come from people we love. Our partners, friends or family members. It’s a daunting sentence yet it should make us curious.

When possible we should stop what we’re doing and give them our full attention. Rather than be on the defence before the conversation has begun.

The “We need to talk”, preparation.

It’s not about winning. It’s about fixing a problem. You’re emotionally attached to this person.

Aware of the individual’s temperament. You know before you begin how they may respond.

Behaviours to prepare for: –

Anger.
Is this person an interrupter? Talking over you.
Will they be defensive?
Become teary.
Present a feisty attitude?
Are they likely to become nasty or sarcastic?

In all the above instances try to remain calm. Don’t jump into their drama. Having your say is only one half of the conversation.

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He says beer, she says shoes. The compromise in a relationship.

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The word compromise gets tossed around lightly. Talked about as if it’s the easiest thing in the world to come to terms with.

Having a standard and lowering it to meet in the middle. These discussions are about adjusting your expectations.

At times theory and reality walk parallel to one another. It’s tough work negotiating. Looking for a win-win situation.

Disagreeing is essential to your own well-being. Especially if you won’t be able to live with the terms discussed. Regardless of how uncomfortable sharing this information can be.

New beginnings.

A recently committed couple discuss future plans. Mortgage, marriage and children. Taking the relationship to the next level. There’s enthusiasm being caught up in these talks. At the time it sounds good and feels right.

Hours after the discussion irritation starts to build. One party isn’t sure anymore. It has begun to feel more like an obligation rather than embracing what seemed like logical steps forward.

It’s obvious that’s what partners do. Yet internally there’s an uneasy feeling rising within, demanding attention. Now these talks feel rushed. Maybe it’s was too soon to be making such plans.

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Are You the Reason Your Relationship is Over?

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Does the heart weigh more when we are in love? It feels so full of happiness that we think it may explode. Radiating like a neon light. When our relationships are going well they have the power to lift us up, give us a leap in our walk, the sky seems bluer and life a mystical magical journey.

However, other times our relationships seem like nothing more than hard-work and we would rather criticise, abuse or avoid the other person rather than address the core issues.

The committed relationship.

Believe it or no; you struck a deal with your partner when you committed to each other. Back in the day when verbal agreements and a hand shake were as good as signing your name to a contract, the deal was sealed.

When both parties make this promise; they offer to share their most valuable assets: – their heart and mind. You have decided to become partners in crime. Sharing these cherished yet vulnerable commodities is not only saying, ‘I love you’, but ‘I trust you with everything I have’.

A union of this magnitude has the power to make you rise above the trivial and make you see the world in a rainbow of colors. It’s a big responsibility and one that should not be taken lightly, ever!

Because this joint venture also has the power to mentally reduce you to nothing, finding it hard to breath and fight another day. You try to remember when this relationship started to become difficult, doing nothing more than decreasing your energy levels with negativity. Wondering if you can ever come back from it.