We wear a different hat in each environment we circulate.
Did you know you’re a fashionista in your own right? Don’t sound so surprised. Were you aware you have a collection of hats?
Do I hear you say you don’t wear hats? Well I am inclined to disagree. Let me explain.
How many environments do you circulate in? There is home, extended family, friends, school or work. Then there are the hobbies we partake in and enjoy.
Would you agree that your behaviour differs when you are with family as opposed to with friends?
You don’t perform in the work place with the same mannerisms you would your mates. There are similarities but our attitudes are somewhat different.
When we are at home with our family we are able to relax and behave in accordance to the moods we feel. We have ourselves on display. The good, the bad and the ugly. We have grown up with these people and they have seen us in all our glory and at our worst.
Then we have the work hat. Our temperament and behaviour are very different to the hat we wear at home. We don’t slouch over the lounge, surfing TV channels yelling, “Mar, when is dinner going to be ready?” We present with an approachable professional attitude.
What about the friend hat? Some of these people we have known us for years. We share our secrets and have experiences that we would never have with our family members. The home rules do not apply with our friends. When we are with out mates we have different behaviour. The funny, naughty, vulnerable, daring and challenging attitudes.
Then we have a children’s hat. These little people bring out a completely different side in us. Regardless of the environment, there is an unspoken acceptance that we are able to be kooky, silly or funny. An example – a father pretending to be a monster in the centre of town in order to keep the child entertained.
When a work colleague comes into the office to show off their newly born, our softer and paternal side comes out naturally. We spend time with our colleague out of interest but also because of our professional duty.
Then there is an exclusive hat. This is when we’re in a relationship or married. Not just anyone gets to be a part of this hat. It is our sexual and intimacy side. We trust our partner with our heart, mind and soul. Working as a team. The dynamic duo – taking on individual and shared joys and stresses.
For those that are reading this, we have an internet or blogging hat. Our behaviour and attitudes are geared towards developing relationships, supporting one another whilst highlighting our area of expertise. There are many posts written detailing these best practices. This hat differs to the employment hat as we are encouraged to express ourselves with our own unique style. Discussing similar topics with our own voice.
Different hats represent behaviours, moods and attitudes. We change our hat to suit the environment, situation and expectation.
What happens when all the hats are in the same room? Examples are Work Christmas Parties, Birthdays or retirement. Kids, family, friends and work are all in the one environment. We’re all aware of the hat we generally wear in each environment, but because of the gathering our dominate role seems to neutralise.
If you are the boss you are not going to be ordering your associate around. If you are mum you’re not going to be mothering you adult child in front of their manager.
The hat shuffle – a change in behaviour.
You are hanging out in your room with a couple of friends, being silly, having fun and maybe even playing the fool. Then mum taps at the door to offer drinks and food. Everyone changes their behaviour. The hat shuffle. We do this out of the respect we hold for our friend and their mother. It is also behaviour we have for our own parents.
A group of men are sharing a joke about a woman walking past. Then another female steps into the conversation and the joke immediately stops. The hat shuffle. The hat is adjusted to accommodate the person who just arrived on the scene.
Don’t worry ladies we too have these discussions about men. When a man walks into our circle we adjust our hats.
You are outside on your lunch break with your work mates and your boss arrives on the scene. The hat shuffle. Your attitude shifts acknowledging the chain of command.
You meet your partner for lunch. Sharing an intimidate moment. You are gazing into your spouse’s eyes and stroking their hand tenderly. Then a work associate walks in. The hat shuffle. You go from romantic, to the work hat where you involve the colleague. It would be a very uncomfortable moment if you were to look into the eyes of your work associate with the same loving gaze you did your partner.
Your spouse recognises the hat shuffle and changes hats in show of support. Becoming charming and engaging with your colleague.
There is a different hat for each environment. Our surroundings and the people we are with determine our behaviour. Whether it be out of respect, authority or the allowance of a child, we do this automatically. Adjusting, changing or turning our hat around is determined by the environment and who we are with.
Purchasing a new hat, adjusting or dusting off an old hat.
There are occasions when we require a new hat. An area of our life is in a period of change. This shift can be positive, unbalanced or an upheaval to your circumstances.
You may have completed your schooling and you’re looking for employment. If it’s your first time preparing for this occasion, you will be wearing a completely new hat. The second time you attend an interview, you wear the same hat. This time you’re more organised and ready due to the previous experience.
What about when we make changes in our lives or add a new habit? We either get a new hat or wear a hat that is already in use.
Some hats are worn inconsistently. My gym hat gathers dust and then I clean it up and use it frequently. After a while I get distracted, lose interest or have the grand excuse to let myself off the hook. Then the hat remains in the cupboard once again gathering dust until I decide it needs a clean-up.
When you start a new job, you have a new hat. You wear your hat at different angles until you find the style that is perfect for you. You’re learning the environment and what is expected of you. Adjusting your hat to different areas of your head looking or the right fit. This demonstrates a flexible attitude, showing you’re eager to fit into the new environment and establish working relationships.
Going from single into a relationship. The single hat no longer has any use. If you love your partner and want to live in harmony, you no longer require the use of some of behaviours you had whilst flying solo. Your thoughts and consideration are now for two people and not just yourself. Examples are: grabbing you coat and flying out the door on a whim, flirting, asking for phone numbers and dating a variety of people.
Swapping or combining hats is a finely tuned balancing act.
Say you have had an argument with your partner. Then you leave for work. The disagreement with your loved one has ruffled your feathers. You’re still wearing the home hat and it is mixed with your work hat.
This has the potential to affect your interactions, decision making skills and how you manage stressful situations. In fact a combined hat in this situation could create error/s that would not generally happen had you only worn your work hat. However we are only human, sometimes the mixing of hats is the best we can do.
You’ve been out with your friends all day and you are feeling extremely happy. You say good bye and head home. When you walk in the door you feel the tension. You have swapped the friend hat for the home hat. Your mood has gone from high too low to get involved with what is going on in the family. Your attitude shifts to the environment you are circulating in.
Let’s say a family member has passed over. When you attempting to protect a child. You wear a combination of hats. You want to spare them from immediate heart ache until you decide how you’re going to share this information.
You’re wearing a hat that makes you extremely sad, combining this hat with another for the sake of the child. Hiding your sorrow to keep the child unburdened for a period of time. The protection hat is most prominent in these situations.
These hats have no set rules but we can identify with them immediately. When we are wearing a combination of hats, this informs us something is not as it should be. Our normal circumstances are a little out of order, for one reason or another.
A difficult hat is when you are promoted. You have established close working relationships with people you respect. You have all been on the same pay scale with the same responsibilities. There’s little or no friction. That is until you are offered a new position with more obligations and an increase in salary.
That hat for your work friends has to be readjusted. This can be tricky when your new work expectations require privacy and confidentiality from other staff members. This is opposite to your already established work relationships that have always been open and honest.
Adjusting this hat to ensure you remain in your manager’s confidence although you don’t want to lose the alliance of your work colleagues. This can be a stressful balancing act.
The hats you wear are designed especially for you. Our hats are just like our finger prints. They are similar to other individuals but have their own unique imprint on them – showing our differences and our similarities.
Hats stand for our rules and regulations, codes of conduct and standard of behaviour. When we wear a combination of hats it can at times be confusing and uncomfortable. The best scenario is when you can wear a combination of hats and feel at ease or trust ourselves to manage the situation.
So what hats do you wear?
Hi Rachel,
Lovely post indeed 🙂
Oh don’t ask which hat I wear, as I wear a huge number of them! Right from wearing the hat of a mom, wife, DIL, daughter, to the professional writer, blogger, and friend (to name a few!) – ones worn them all!
You are right, we often have to shuffle hats and combine them, especially if we are parents, in a relationship, married, or even while working. It’s always a combinated role one plays, which makes it all the more challenging to balance such hats at such times, isn’t it?
Your post reminds me of being a juggler at the circus…lol…how many hats they juggle with and never miss out any of them! They are perfect in their act, which sadly doesn’t work for all of us, though we try to make it all fit. If we can do that, we achieve the right balance and carry the hats beautifully. But if we cannot, the hats would keep falling all over!
Thanks for sharing this thoughtful post with us – I’d surely be dreaming of hats tonight! Have a nice week ahead, while I share this all over. 🙂
Hey Harleena,
All the hats you wear are challenging but juggling them highlights sound judgement and expert capabilities. We shuffle and combine hats without us even realising we do it. This illustrates flexibility and fast pace thinking. We should never under estimate this skill set – it is so important.
Working from home means that all our hats are never too far from one another and that requires a lot of discipline. The benefits are that we get to switch from work duties to other tasks whenever we want and I really like that idea.
I read this comment yesterday, but knew I could not give it the attention it deserved, so all last night I had the picture in my mind of the juggler using hats to perform. Then I thought I should have used that analogy because I saw it so clearly. Thanks for you comments. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Thanks for the great post. I don’t like wearing hats – not unless I’m out on a really hot day – but you’re right! We all juggle a large number of hats each day. To make it even more complicated, we can have a number of hats just for work! The one we use with our colleagues. The one we use with the person from another partment who can be a challenge to work with. The one we use for customers… They can even differ with the same person, depending on what the other person does or doesn’t do. I like the analogy!
Hey Kirsty,
You make a great point, that even in the work place there are a number of different hats we wear. I could not agree with you more. Sounds like you have a firm grasp on managing people at your place of employment. The person who challenges us at work is the one we really can be grateful for because they test our skill set, even though they can be rather draining.
I am a bit like you – hats aren’t my thing unless it is to keep the heat in through winter or protecting myself from the sun. Thanks for your comments. Talk soon.
Rachel.
I hate wearing hats. In fact, when I worked at Starbucks through college I begged them to not require us to wear a hat…go figure now the location I was at doesn’t have to wear hats. But I do wear many “working” hats….like the mom hat, wife hat, chef hat, baker hat, maid hat, etc. We all wear hats but it is just a matter of knowing which hat we should wear at a specific time that can be hard for some people.
Hey Christine,
Big smile at the maid hat. Dam I really should have talked about the maid hat, it is a crucial role in the functioning of the family unit.
When you say some people find it difficult knowing what hat to wear, that just pin points areas where personal development is required. Either lack of understanding and growth or education is required. Because our environments always dictate certain actions and behaviours.
Thanks for your comments, really enjoyed them. Talk soon.
Rachel.
I can definitely relate. I wear fewer hats than I once did, now that I stay home with my children, but it’s still a balancing act. I often forget how to wear my grown-up hat since I’m with my children so much. Great post! Thank you!
Hey Shann,
Being a stay at home mum is a tough and busy job. Although I have been told and witnessed myself how rewarding this can be. Hats off to you (pardon the pun). Bit of a giggle when I read – I often forget how to wear my grown-up hat – how wonderful, I think being in an adult mind set can be overrated sometimes. Kids really do bring out a side in us that we can’t get anywhere else.
Thanks for the visit and your comments. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Love this post Rachel! I am totally different around family and clients. Although I’m still laid back and easy going I’m not lettin’ loose like I do at home :).
I wear all kinds of hats mom, entrepreneur, volunteer, wife…I can go on, hehe. I usually try to wear them all at the same time and it can be tiring.
I really liked the analogies you shared here, very relatable especially the one about work and home. I was always told leave “your problems at the door” when it came to handling business or work so it was like second nature to me. 🙂
Thanks for writing such a great post! Hoper you’re having a great week.
Cori
Hey Corina,
A mum wears so many different hats all at once. It truly is amazing how versatile a mother becomes.
Leaving your problems at the door is exactly how work and home should be, however in saying that sometimes (not all the time), it is one thing that can take over our mind and then home and work are in the same environment. Lucky I am fortunate enough, when these moods take over, I stay away from all forms of communication. I know it will pass and they don’t happen often but it is a safe guard.
I am similar in personality type as you, I have an easy going nature, but I take how I represent myself seriously so my professional side is never in any question. And letting lose at home is like taking the bra off and adding humor to situations I probably would not voice otherwise. Thanks for your comments. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Loved your post. How beautifully you have crafted the analogy behind different hats depicting different moods, seasons and places…!!
Hey Ana,
Thanks for you kind words and welcome to my blog.
We certainly do change our behaviour, when our moods and environments change. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Hey Rachel,
Well, I think I can honestly say that all of my hats are pretty much the same. Let me explain.
I’m not a mom and I work at home. My personality is the same around anyone I meet. Since I have a consulting business online people might perceive me a certain way but as soon as they have an actual conversation with me then they realize that I’m just a bubbly, outgoing and fun person who loves life and helping others.
I think when I used to have some very close friends I might have shared some things with them that I wouldn’t have anyone else but I let my two best friends go over eight years ago and the only best friend I had left passed away two years ago. I don’t have anyone that close to me now accept I do have two online friends that I’ve become very close to. We talk almost weekly on the phone but I guess at my age I really don’t have anymore secrets to share.
I think though if you have a family and you work and you have outside activities and then you have your friends that I can see where this might all come into play. Even when I worked in corporate America I was the same and that’s what people loved about me, my personality. It was just an added bonus for me. 😉
I appreciate though what you’ve shared and indeed we are all very unique.
Enjoy your day and what’s left of your week. Great to be back by here again.
~Adrienne
Hey Adrienne,
Welcome back. Your comments are refreshing.
I too am not a mum, however I see the mother role as one that holds so many different hats. Some require quick change, a swap or adjustment within moments. The ‘discipline mum’, where a child has to be taught right or wrong, the ‘heart exploding into love and pride mum’ as they watch their child do something or say something wonderful. The ‘quick to react’ mum who has jumped because their child was going to be hurt.
Sounds as though you hold yourself well, but not just that, you appreciate what you give and take from your environments. When we love to help others – we get in return ten fold. Helping others helps ourselves.
I agree that our perceptions of one another over the internet can be received differently. I am often left wondering what people would be like face to face.
We are in the business of presenting our expertise and we do this with our own style and this can often show off quality parts of us but it still does not come with tone of voice and body language (now they my areas of expertise). I have even seen some of the comments I have written trying to be funny but I have come across as angry or tough. But I do suppose we get better at letting our personality shine through with the more experience we have with writing and trusting those skills.
Adrianne, you sound very approachable and I am sorry about hearing of your close friend passing over now that would have been hard. I have found as I get older, I need less hats and I have fewer friends but the ones I have are quality. And I am like you there are very little secrets I have to share, but I love having my girly personality present where I can be silly and swear like a trooper (something I am not comfortable presenting over the net).
And there is always room for bubbly, outgoing and fun – who does not want to be apart of someone with those qualities – glad that you take that hat every where you go. That would certainly be what your people want. Thanks for sharing your story and truths. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Hi, Rachel
i like the way you compared our behavior with different hats in different situations. I believe everyone including me wearing many hats. Yet in order to survive and function in the society we always need to change the hats or at least adjust it. Sometimes I wish I can put away all the adult hats away to be more relax in my natural state.
Nice post
– Stella Chiu
Hey Stella,
I am with you Stella, I wish I could put the adult hat away for safe keeping and chill, but that is what I am working towards even for a couple of weeks.
Our flexible nature and our willingness to adjust to our situations show that we want to accept others and be accepted. We enjoy the interactions with all our environments so adjusting the hat accordingly brings us smooth sailing. Thanks for your comments. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Hi Rachel!
Very interesting post. Isn’t it great how flexible we can be? I think I do wear a lot of hats (mum, wife, writer, work colleague, friend, choir singer). Most hats are quite similar since I think my personality does not change that much in my different roles. I would say my most exotic and crazy hat is my choir hat. We are a ladies only choir and we perform girly, silly, hot, majestic, funny, and so on.
Have a great day, Ilka
Hey IIka,
I am always amazed at how flexible we are and that shows strength and trust in ourselves to manage whatever is thrown our way.
Your choir hat must be a very enjoyable experience, while you wear the choir hat you get to play around with dress ups, make believe, imagination. I say hold on to your most exotic and crazy hat it sounds like a whole bunch of fun. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Great post Rachel.
And so true.
Reminds me a little of how I view a palm tree.
Flexible enough to withstand the demands of the environment (like heavy winds), but stable enough to not lose its footing.
I change my hats in accordance to my surroundings…but make sure the head that’s wearing them remains consistent.
Hey Dana,
I enjoyed the palm tree analogy and your belief in yourself.
Consistency is key Dana, probably one of the most approachable traits anyone can have consistency because it is trusted. Someone who who shows inconsistent behaviour is not reliable and people prefer hassle free interactions. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Hi Rachel
Wow! thinking about it, I do wear so many hats. You are right and it isn’t easy balancing so many hats. However, we try so hard to make it possible and each day we learn to make the adjustments.
I for one have tried to balance my hats (blogger, admin, friend, sound tech) and sometimes I have on so many occasions, forgotten to take them off.
I want to say hats off to you for such an awesome post as you made me think about my hats and how they affect the surrounding. Thanks and have a swell week.
Hey Ikechi,
Big smile, always enjoy your feedback and comments, they are like gifts to the soul.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Don’t forget how flexible and adaptable that makes you. Being human and forgetting to take your hat off, means you want all environments to have had their duties completed and you take your responsibilities seriously. That is really important to remember. But don’t forget to wear the relax hat every now and again to gain some Ikechi time, that will make all your other hats fit so much better. Good seeing you back again. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Hey Rachel,
Interesting post, I guess we do have many roles and each requires a unique hat that is very different from all other.
Lately, I have gathered many hats, from being single to getting married and then being a dad! Along with that, running a company – managing employees etc. However, I haven’t given it much thought before.
My gym hat gathers dust as well, no matter how much I try to clean it up, in-time I find it dusted again! At-least I have got the evening walks started!
thanks,
Uttoran Sen,
Hey Uttoran,
Welcome. Firstly congratulations on your big steps. Marriage and a new baby. Both hats completely different to being single.
Running a company requires many hats. The Manager of people and delegation of work, then the growing of the business hat and so many more. You have a lot responsibilities. When we wear so many different hats, we forget how flexible we are and how adaptable we are to our surroundings and the people we deal with. You certainly would not be talking shop to your baby, well not immediately anyway.
The gym hat I believe can be a nagging dust collector. Because we know the benefits of exercise, we feel it from the moment we start, right throughout the exercise period and the amazing benefits it gives us throughout our day. I have come to accept that my gym hat will gather dust and then be used again and the cycle will remain like that. I don’t say that lightly because when I am not wearing this hat I am constantly aware of it. But as you say walking is a great way to work off stress and become balanced and focused again. Thanks for stopping by. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Hi Rachel!
Great post! And being a hat lover, I love the analogy.
There were many hats that I used to wear in corporate America – so happy now that I no longer have to do so!
I much prefer a smaller selection that fits so much better!
All the best,
Quinn
Hey Quinn,
I have not seen you about for a while. Hope all is well.
I am like you I so much prefer a smaller selection of hats and I am thrilled that you are a hat lover. I think after Corporate America with its responsibilities and pressure, the days of hat changing would have worn itself out thin. Thanks for your comments.
Rachel.
Hi Rachel!
It’s a really fascinating topic you’ve chosen here.
A mentor of one once explained to me that integrity was being able to walk from room to room, wearing the same hat in each.
Thoughts?
I’d like to think that I’m the same no matter who my audience is, but that’s simply not true…
Oh, and Just a heads up that I’ll be on the road until the second week of November — wanted to let you know, so if you don’t see me poking around your blog as often as usual, you’ll know why. Thanks a ton!
Brent
Hey Brent,
Welcome back. I agree we should maintain our standards regardless of where we are, however when I think about it in terms of my potty mouth (I enjoy a good swear and dirty joke) however there are some environments where this is just not acceptable nor would I feel comfortable and out of respect for myself and others I would never behave in this manner. However at a back yard BBQ, where a good joke is shared my words have the potential to go to the gutter and I enjoy it.
While I share a lot of my personal saga’s it is with my professional hat and a far more formal approach as opposed to my relaxed casual attitude. I find there is a difference yet both are exactly who I am.
Anyway now you have me very curious – hope your trip is relaxing but if it is for work, I wish you all the successes you planned. I will still visit you weekly because you have given me so much to work with – I have seriously started my 6 hours a week preparing to engage and connect with others. My plans are in action due to your posts, so you are just stuck we me hanging around. Enjoy your road trip – they are the best.
Rachel.
Hey!
Amazing Post.
Love the way you are describing different hats with different moods of people.
My favorite is children’s hat – Funny, stress-free, naughty.
I will definitely buy some beautiful hats now and will wear them according to my mood.
Awesome Idea.
Thanks for sharing. I really appreciate your work.
Cheers!
Hey Michaell
It’s your first time to Dig A Little Deeper so welcome.
The kids hat is one of my favorites too. It’s play time where imagination, no rules and possibilities are allowed. It was only a couple of days a go I saw a father wearing his kids hat in the center of town, running around his tribe and kids chasing him, giggling with glee. Always great to see.
When I think of purchasing hats, vibrant colours are what get my attention. The mad hatters tea party, the magician, witchypoo. And of course the Bowler hat for a more serious, get things done mood.
Glad you enjoyed the post, and thanks for your comments.
Rachel
Let’s put it in reality,we wear different hats in front of peoples just to impress them but only the one who is closest to us definitely know the color of hat that we wear always.
Hey Ivan,
Adjusting to the environment we are in, is a skill set. Impressing others is one way of representing ourselves, but not the only reason we change our behaviour. Here is a link that talks about the same subject in a different context. http://www.digalittledeeper0.me/why-we-behave-the-way-we-do-acceptable-social-behavior/.
Thanks for your comments.
Rachel