Don’t be fooled – Jealously is an urgent matter.

The information I am about to share with you, should be titled the ugly truth. The story begins with the twisted mind of a jealous young person. The events that I speak of are shadowed with insecurity, self-doubt and reckless intention. However without such a lesson I could not be the person I am today. A kind and caring human being that values her own characteristics and those in others.

Years ago my ex-boyfriend began a relationship with an arch enemy of mine. While it sounds so silly to say that now, it is exactly how I felt all those years ago. It seemed she and I were attracted to the same guys. And for some unknown reason she drove me crazy. I felt compelled to ring and harass her whenever the opportunity arose. I rang her so often; her phone number was imprinted in my mind. The nastiness I penetrated towards her made me cross the line a number of times.

My friends starting hearing about what I had been up to and still I could do nothing but hate her with everything I had. Appearing like a lunatic was none too descriptive. This rage was blind, it was irrational and down-right mean. But most of all – it was a waste of time. Nobody gained anything from this situation. Although I continually felt tormented by a woman I barely knew.

Years afterwards – I felt a deep shame. I had never behaved in this manner before and I was really surprised and concerned by my thoughts and actions. Jealously added no value to my life and it gave me nothing except an urgent warning bell. Yelling; immediate action required, there is a problem that is intruding in my mind. But at this stage in my life I did not have the knowledge or life skills for self-examination.

I behaved on impulse and without a filter for my words or actions. At this stage in my life there was no remorse for what I was doing to her.

It was over 20 years ago now and still to this day it is one of my biggest lessons. Jealously over the years has reared its ugly head, however I managed it differently. When I feel this horrid emotion, I give it my full attention. I will not let it rest until I have broken it down to its very core and found out where my insecurity lies.

Jealously directs me to an inadequacy I am feeling within myself. Obviously something has triggering this emotion, so I must go in search of the answers.

Having jealously around is like carry a heavy burden. It left me raw and disturbed. I examined myself like a scientist would a mechanism under a microscope. I read self-help books, wrote and repeatedly stated affirmations to value my own worth. For a long period in my life I explored self-development with greed and need to find out who I was.

I came to the realisation that I have some wonderful qualities but so too did everyone else. Once I started appreciating who I was, I got to enjoy those who may have previously triggered an emotional imbalance within me. Remember jealously is not a logical thought out process. It arrives unannounced.

The reason why jealously is an urgent matter

Jealously screams attention, a part of your life requires immediate review. It appears out of no-where. And has a way of knocking us off balance. However it is NOT the emotion that will ruin relationships and cause hardship, it is the actions that follow. If managed correctly it can strengthen a relationship and build confidence.

Or; jealously can be the game changer when not addressed with delicate care and responsibility. Every good part of who we are can immediately come to a stand-still as this monster starts to grow within. It can rob us mentally, spiritually, emotionally and sexually, ruining everything in its path.

Being in a relationship does not exempt us from being attracted to someone else, or protect us from jealously. When your relationship feels like it is under attack; then it’ time to have the big talk.

Someone’s arrival has shaken up the hornet’s nest and now it is time to lay your heart on the line. It’s a tough talk to say I feel insecure at the moment due to the presence of a particular person.

Sharing this vulnerability is no sign of weakness. A discussion such as this highlights emotional maturity and a little assurance from your partner at this stage; would not go astray. Expressing your concerns may feel a little awkward, but the alternative could be worse.

Jealously is not the kind of emotion, you ignore. It won’t go away. Automatic actions driven by bitter impulse will highlight characteristics you may not have been aware you possessed; presenting your worst side in the relationship arena. It should be noted, that if you have trust issues before jealously arrived, you are headed in very uncertain direction.

You can’t appreciate anything when caught up in a jealous rage: This tornado can consume us. From morning to night. This emotion has the potential to make us dwell on a particular situation taking everything out of portion. It makes us zone in on everything that is negative. The brain becomes irritated, insecure and clarity disappears.

All of a sudden everything you appreciated about life is now ignored. Every conversation leads back to the person you are consumed by. It becomes a wearying experience for your partner. Especially after repeated attempts to put your mind at ease, reassuring you that your relationship is secure. This possessiveness boils down to you. So where do you begin?

Jealousy highlights insecurity or inadequate feeling within the ‘self’. It goes without saying that the qualities you fell in love with your partner for, will be the very virtues other people will be attracted to as well. Being scared of losing someone after they have assured you; emphasises immediate work on ‘self’ is required. Questioning why such a strong sense of insecurity is lingering?

So how do you rid this nagging feeling? These questions and the ones that follow need to be asked and answered. Staying true to yourself regardless of how awful the answers make you feel. It is now an urgent matter because jealousy defies logic. You have all the reassurances in the world, yet you still can’t blow this jealously feeling away.

Being jealous over a person will never allow you to recognise their good qualities. Who is this person that has stirred these emotions? What is it that you see in them that makes you feel like this? Do they have something you don’t? How can you learn to appreciate what they have?

What can you do to change this situation? How can you turn this around to embrace and celebrate yourself? Why is the focus continually being looked on outwardly? Remember you have your own special qualities – stop looking externally and start looking inside yourself.

Loss of self-control: You have to find a way back to emotional stability where the mind is balanced. You can’t begin work in this area until you do.

Waste of time. Jealously is a waste of time. What makes you want to see things from this point of view? Are you stuck? Why can’t you change the way you feel?

This raw emotion called jealously is an urgent matter and not easy to shift, if you are being totally honest with yourself. Give jealously the respect it deserves as it highlights areas of ourselves that need attention. Fear it enough to work diligently on extinguishing the fire. And love yourself, nurturing mental wounds back to full health.

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