Confidence – A Trademark You Talk, Walk and Wear.

 

Confidence - A Trademark You Talk, Walk and Wear.

There’s an attractive air about confidence.  It’s like a magnet, we’re drawn to people who are comfortable in their own skin.  It’s a self-belief that blossoms internally yet presents and shines outwardly.  A talk without talking.  It taps on shoulders and gets people’s attention.

Putting your skill set and abilities to work. 

Confidence is a billboard for exploiting all the good points.  Using these mastered tools, highlighting strengths.  Aware that there are limitations.  You’re not daunted or ignoring them.  They’re not what are utilised when dealing with others.

Confidence is a billboard for exploiting all the good points. Using these mastered tools, highlighting strengths. @thedigger0 Click To Tweet

Not all of one’s life has to be full or complete to feel confident.  Self-assurance easily adjusts to changes that can be made.  Accepting what is not shiftable.

You have a university project to complete.  Its way over your head.  You know little of the subject.  Yet you utilise all your strengths to accomplish this goal to the best of your ability.  Breaking down this assignment into small achievable steps.  With lots of hard work you recognise you’re more than capable of meeting the set requirements.

Self-assured without the announcement.

A confident person doesn’t have the ‘look at me’ approach.  They’re not trying hard to win the affection of others.  There’s no need to.  They have their people who respect and appreciate them.  There will also be a few loathers.  People who are envious of how they carry themselves.

Individuals enjoying who they are, aren’t looking for approval or acceptance of others.  They continue on their way with a strong sense of self-assurance.

The trouble with overconfidence.

Wanting to come across as confident; is working at it.  It’s a pre-motivated thought.  While it’s admirable in thinking, its misinterpreting what confidence is.  This belief comes from deep within.

Accepting and valuing who you are as a person.  Confidence does not prove itself.  It has no force about it.

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.  – Golda Meir

Overconfidence is putting a lot of effort into an area where you’re not yet comfortable.  Taking calculated risks.  Trusting yourself enough to proceed forward.  Faking it until you make it.  There’s a lot of pressure placed on oneself to succeed.

  • Not 100% sure of yourself.
  • It’s a nervous energy.
  • You want to succeed and get it right.
  • You’re aiming for confidence.

The effort and motivation is impressive.  Although we must be careful not present ourselves as desperate, nervous or awkward.

Overconfidence mixed with bravado is dangerous.  Bullying is an example.  An individual is participating in physically harassing another.  They’re not comfortable behaving in this manner, but continue nonetheless.

There are many reasons for a person to behave in this way.

  • Striving to feel a part of the group.
  • Unaware how inadequate they feel about themselves.

It’s attempting to appear one way but feeling entirely different to their actions.

Signs of confidence.

  • You’re sure of the direction regardless of the odds being piled against you. It may not be comfortable but determination will get you there.  Aware that your value does not rely on the approval of others.
  • Your ability to manage life, regardless of what it throws at you.
  • A confident person may be affected by an outcome but won’t fall apart because of it.
  • Your self-representation is at ease. Managing situations and emotions.
  • When someone is happy within themselves. They have embraced all facets of who they are.
  • Don’t need to be centre of attention yet manage when the situation presents.

Confidence - A Trademark You Talk, Walk and Wear.

Emotions of confidence.

Feeling and accepting every emotion.  It’s okay to feel down or irritated.  Wearing it the best way you can.  To be human.  Managing your moods around others.

  • Mistakes happen. You accept them as part of a growing process.
  • Not aiming for failure although it’s okay to take a fall. It’s never intentional.  Lessons are made of these painful experiences.

You balls up an assignment.  A vital piece of information you prepared is sitting on your desk.  No amount of fast talking, fancy footwork can get you through.  There is no fudging the figures you were meant to present.  The meeting ends on a bad note.

You go and face your managers.  There are fingers pointed, voices raised and you’re to blame.  It’s such a serious matter you receive a firm warning.  Accepting your fate.  You take it on the chin, because it was nothing more than an error.

Every now and again someone will bring up that time you messed things up.  You take responsibility for it.  You won’t let others hold it over you.  You don’t jump to defence, you know this is a part of the process.  The team aren’t going to let it go for a while.

Emotions can be rocked.  A confident person still gets flustered and loses their balance.  You won’t be unhinged by a few set-backs.

You’re able to admit when you wrong.  It’s owning your thoughts, behaviours and actions.

Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.  – Peter T. Mcintyre

Confidence is balanced. 

It’s an attitude.  A confident person feels pressures like anyone else, but manages how they respond to it.

Not having to be in charge although one can take command when required to so.  An efficient CEO utilises their personnel without demand.  Maximising individual capability.  Quality outcomes transpire.  Rewarding staff certifies their value.

Moving up the ladder, growing in capital and materialistic items reiterates self-worth.  It confirms your decisions are working and you’re heading in the right direction.

Confidence can be built on earned money and purchased goods.  People are genuinely self-assured when they have worked hard to acquire a certain level of comfort.

If these things were somehow lost, there would be a period of hardship.  Time to get over the loss.  Yet these people would pick themselves up and brush themselves off.  Restart right from where they are.

Confidence is about experiencing everything and being okay with how it unfolds.  It’s a balance.  Not entirely happy with situations but accepting it.

Conversations.

You’re comfortable in discussions.  Able to listen as well as present without being forceful.  Entering into the conversation at the right time.  You don’t need to push your ideas or self-worth onto others.

At 1.45 pm you have to meet with a difficult customer.  It’s a particularly unpleasant person.  You prepare like you would for any other customer and manage them.  You go about your business with a sense of ease.  The task at hand may require a mental toughness yet a confident person faces it with little effort.

This internal awareness won’t be rocked by the external world.  A person comfortable with themselves won’t be easily upset by difficult situations.

You’re mad at your partner.  In fact fuming is putting it lightly.  There’s no point yelling, that gets nothing sorted.  You clearly state your dissatisfaction.  Your other half is under no illusion.  They recognise you’re unhappy with the situation.  They understand you want to work towards fixing the issue.

Wrapping up

You’re comfortable in your own skin.  You take responsibility or your thoughts, feeling and actions.  It’s okay that not all will accept you, you won’t accept all.

You’re comfortable in your own skin. You take responsibility or your thoughts, feelings and actions. Click To Tweet

While there maybe mistakes you’re not floored by them.  Not getting caught on one issue that did not work out well.

Able to self-examine without being harsh on yourself or others.  Life presents unexpected sharp corners.  A confident person will see themselves through the mess.

Things aren’t always going to be balanced. You’re confidence is the back up.  You’re skill set will see you through any ordeal.  You’re self-assured and that’s more than enough.

If you enjoyed this post, you will want to get your hands on my free self-development workbook. Leave your email address in the pop up or the field at the top of this page.  Guaranteed to make you think about how you treat yourself. 

Posted in Behaviour, Self Development and tagged , , , , , , .

35 Comments

    • Hey Ahmad,

      Glad you enjoyed the post.

      No need to link your posts I have Luv Comment that will show your blog off. I visit those who have commented. Always interested to see what others are up to.

      Rachel.

  1. Thank you for this great post! I’ve always thought that I’m a fairly confident person but I have quite a lot of insecurities buried way deep that sometimes I feel like I’m just emitting an air of confidence while really there is none. Emjoyed reading this and simultaneously thinking of what I can relate to and what I feel fits with my personality and what I need to work on!

    salmaseyam.blogspot.com

    • Hey Salma,

      This is your first time to my blog so welcome.

      Allow that confident person you carry with you to shine through. Trust that your insecurities are nothing more than hurdles yet to be jumped. Meaning you will face them one at a time and deal with them. I have a Self development Work book that focuses on you and how you think about yourself. Let me know if you are interested.

      We are allowed to carry ourselves well; acknowledging that we need to personally develop in particular areas. Our limitations do not take away the finest qualities that makes us standout.

      When you do work on yourself be sure to look at one issue at a time. It can be overwhelming initially but we are with ourselves for a life time, so we may as well work on loving ourselves. Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

  2. This is such a beautiful article, Rachel!

    So many people lack confidence in our world today. Then there are the “others” who are super confident and egotistical. Finding a “balance” is essential. As some people decide to take on a new challenge or new journey yet lack the confidence to push forward. Friends are there to help build them up and make sure they follow through. I lack confidence at times, I believe it’s human nature. However, the challenge is finding the mental strength to push through and try it.

    Very motivational! Thank you!

    Brenda
    Brenda Pace recently posted…Virtual Assistants: We’re Not Your Daddy’s Old SecretaryMy Profile

    • Hey Brenda,

      I agree, so many people do lack in confidence. And that’s unfortunate because we miss out when people cover up who they are. That balance you talk of is a fine line. I find confidence enjoyable, but when its off balance is can be uncomfortable to watch.

      I have been trying to write about what you have mentioned for a while now. On your days where you don’t feel so confident, its not confidence has disappeared. We’re emotional beings that are impacted by so many different elements. We are up and down. Pressure, stress, lack of sleep, this list is endless. Some days we soldier march with confidence into anything positive or negative. Other days we watch our step.

      Relying on ourselves and the skills we have gathered over the years when we face challenges is all that we can expect of ourselves. Mentally preparing and follow through are admirable qualities regardless of the outcome. I always say when we embark on something new, we have already succeed by starting. If it doesn’t work out (worst case scenario) we have learnt what not to do. Brenda once we get over the bruises they are the best stories.

      Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

  3. Confidence took me a long time to master, and I still sometimes struggle with it. I have to say though, it has a huge influence not only on yourself, but also on how others feel or act around you. It’s a very powerful tool to have under your belt. The only part I think I could work on a bit more is probably communication, that can be hard sometimes when I want to be heard. xD

    • Hey Julie,

      It’s your first time to my blog so welcome.

      How right you are when you say confidence influences others. It really has something about it that has an impact on those around us.

      It great you found an area that you want to strengthen your skill set. Do you have particular scenarios you have in mind where you would like to be heard? Do you have plans in place, when an opportunity arises to work on your communication skills? There are heaps of little things we can do without feeling pressure when it comes to communication. Let me know if you would like to discuss it further.

      Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

  4. Hi Rachel

    You are so right with this post about confidence.

    In my early years, I struggled with confidence. I always felt shy around everyone and it affected me a lot till I just had to get my acts together.

    There should be a balance when it comes to confidence. Overconfidence is indeed dangerous and I know friends who suffered from too much confidence.

    Thanks for sharing. Take Care

    • Hey Ikechi,

      I can relate to how you felt shy and then had to get your act together. It’s like you become impatient with yourself. Being shy happened for too long and you needed to change that part of yourself to get something more from life.

      As confidence is a fine line, its easy for all of us to step across it. I generally do when I get too excited. I don’t see clearly or I am too high and not balanced. However I like yourself have witnessed my friends go overboard and its no longer confidence but arrogance or ignorance. They generally pay for it down the track some how. Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

    • Hey Bola,

      I agree Bola, confidence arrives in us all at different times. Sometimes we work towards it, others seem to have it instilled in them from a young age. You can usually see it in people because of their comfort within themselves. I’ve always found it wonderful to absorb and be apart of.

      Rachel

  5. Hi, Rachel

    Excellence article of confident and balance of confident.<3

    Rachel, you know what,I believe confidence can be learned and nurtured. I don't expect the newbies of any fields should displace any confidence at all; but as time go by they should have confidence in the fields. If not, nobody can survive in any business venture.

    You are right – it is essential to have confidence but we must avoid to mix up our ego and pride with confidence. The result is over-confidence which is a deadly element in any area.

    The sign of confidence is the ability to maintain "peace" inside regardless the external events. To put it in simple term, we don't upset about people or how things turn out. so that we are still in control.

    Enjoy this article a lot!

    Will share!

    -Stella Chiu
    Stella Chiu recently posted…Are Healing Miracles Real?My Profile

    • Hey Stella,

      I agree when newbies arrive they (we,I) should trust that we got this far. Its all about a process and time. So many other elements come into play. However I have seen it many times, a nervous energy eager wanting their piece of the pie so bad, wanting it all. It truly is remarkable – but if people accept their skills and know that its all about spending time in the field of their choice then the combination would take the edge off somewhat.

      Ego and pride will send people in the wrong direction, that’s when lessons can be learned, hopefully sooner rather than later. And its certainly a different behaviour compared with confidence.

      Confidence people are still rocked by the external world, our emotions are not always stable, but a confident person maintains an air of decorum, trusting themselves. Thanks for your wonderful comments as usual.

      Rachel.

  6. Some great stuff here Rachel

    I struggled with confidence through my teenage years. It was when I took a big step and started travelling and doing stuff for myself that I really came into my own.

    The first step is always the hardest.

    Jessica
    Jessica recently posted…Pineapple Essential Oil BenefitsMy Profile

    • Hey Jessica,

      Its the first time to my blog so welcome.

      The first steps are the hardest but when we look back they were also a time of great excitement (well most times) we just did not recognise it. I always say when you’ve done it once you can do it the second time easier.

      Oh our teenage years, the struggles with self acceptance, fitting in, hormones, wanting independence, what a mixed bag. Travelling certainly was what showed me life from a totally perspective. It showed me how resourceful I was. I can really appreciate what you are saying about travelling. Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel

  7. Hi Rachel,

    Great post about confidence. 🙂

    You post-mortem’ed confidence in a way that even the ones who think of themselves as confident would shake their thoughts! I’d say there are two types of confidence – the real one and the virtual, which is a put-on.

    Simply put, real confidence comes from knowing who you are and what you can do. It comes from deep self-belief, a complete understanding of self, strong hope, and positive thoughts. That’s why you can talk, walk, and wear. I like that. 🙂

    Confidence means “I can”. No matter what, you’ve no doubt. It comes from within so you do not have to depend on anything external, having said, it’s sometimes okay to take help to build your confidence. You’re right that being confident does not mean that you’re always right or successful, it’s not about winning but your treatment – you deal and end with a positive spirit, and spring back more determined. Nothing can shake your confidence as long as you believe in yourself.

    It’s been a treat to read your post. I agree with everything that you’ve written. And – great going with the font size, increasing it a little makes it all the more better and easier to read.

    Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
    Harleena Singh recently posted…Why Your Life Plan Can Fail And What To Do About ItMy Profile

    • Hey Harleena,

      I really appreciate how you have separated the two. The real one and the virtual (which is put on). We get to use any mood and attitude sitting behind a computer. That is one of the big down falls of the internet. I am a real face to face person – I pick up more (as we all do), tone of voice, eye contact and body language.

      I could not agree with you more, confidence really does shine from the inside out. Our internal belief system is strong. Life does not stop us being affected from the external world we just manage ourselves better.

      Accepting help is a strength. Its also acknowledging others have something that can assist one along the way. Why would we never accept help? I am a sponge for watching people’s skills and abilities. Never forgetting who I can go to, to get quality. Knowing what we are good at is a plus, knowing what our limitations is handy. Some of my limitations I have decided I don’t want to work on, especially when someone else can do something better with skill and they enjoy it. Its knowing what to work on and not bother with.

      I love that it’s been a treat to read the post. Such wonderful feedback. I think you know that treats are my thing. Big smile about the font. I have been watching other people’s blogs and what is easy on the eye, I am trying to do things that are easy on the eye. I don’t what it is yet, but I certainly know when I find it.

      Always a delight when you visit.

      Rachel.

    • Hey Cynthia,

      Learning to appreciate our fine selves is the first step in the right direction. Being gentle when we make mistakes is the second. The lessons are endless but with confidence on our side, its also exciting. Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

  8. Hi Rachel,

    Nice post and it makes a good read!

    Confidence is very important not only for growth and development of an individuals but also it makes them strong from within to face the world. Confidence is good but over-confidence can create negative impact on the performance. I get confident when I believe in myself and challenge myself on a daily basis to be better than before.
    Thanks for sharing this wonderful post with us! 🙂

    • Hey Ana,

      That’s so good to hear – “I get confident when I believe in myself and challenge myself on a daily basis to be better than before”. Working with what we have to be better than the day before. Its a great balance. Small steps in the direction we want for ourselves certainly encourages us to continue which reiterates the confidence. Then when something does not go the way we planned it can rock us but we manage.

      Over confidence is wobbly – and can go anywhere, there’s even an element of vulnerable. But that is another post on its own.

      Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

  9. I really feel for women who once had confidence but lose it as they get older. Sometimes their looks change, their relationships change, careers change, etc. but it is important to remember that you should be confident on the inside and out!

    • Hey Christine,

      I love your observation. When we feel good about ourselves it don’t matter the wrinkles, the flab or the age. I want to wrestle with some woman’s notions of success. I get it years ago, it was about the car, the job, the clothes, the material. But as I got older I saw that was nothing when we are not happy within ourselves. Dam age – changes your priorities. Enjoyed how you put it – confident on the inside and out. So true. Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

  10. Great article Rachel!

    I’d have to say I’m confident in some areas of my life but I still battle with insecurities and I’m working on that but it is hard after holding on to it for so many years.

    ” A confident person will see themselves through the mess.” I love this and need to practice that. 🙂

    I’ve bookmarked this post because I think it would make a great daily exercise

    Thanks for this great post!

    Cori
    Corina Ramos recently posted…4 Non-Intimidating Ways to Meet New People as an IntrovertMy Profile

    • Hey Cori,

      I’m going to do a series on confidence. Its such a big topic. But the thing I get from most people is they say they are confident but… That was me. We are confident people and we have areas that need work. To be human. There is so much strength in acknowledging areas in ourselves that require work (that’s what you did).

      Cori I already believe you see yourself through mess. I’m smiling because I see it in myself as well. Stress is upon us we are a mixed bag of nutter (full of emotion) and walking straight into the mess to work it out or deal with it. Yet we don’t see that as confidence because we may have yelled or cried or doubted. But we did it. Maybe we could have done it a little better, maybe we could have said this or done that but regardless, we did it. And I think we rip ourselves off thinking we’re not as confident as we are.

      Thanks for your comments between you and Brenda I have the next post to write. Thank you.

      Rachel.

  11. Hi Rachel,

    Confidence is one of my biggest issues that I need to work on. By growing up in a complicated family relationship, I created this pattern to put everyone else first and me last. That’s total lack of confidence. However, as I learn about and love more who I truly am, I’m able to have faith in me and getting better at putting a confident mask even when I’m not confident. lol

    Thanks again for sharing your insights and giving me an opportunity to think deeply about my confidence!

    In love & gratitude,
    Keiko

  12. Hello, Rachel–
    lovely post, as always.
    Confidence is something I’ve always struggled with, as there are so many things in life that try to take it away from me.

    Thanks so much for your insights!

    Blessings!

    Chanler

    • Hey Chanler,

      I read your comment and got an immediate picture of you on one side of confidence and a blurred vision of someone else trying to pull confidence away from you. There is a tug of war going on. But you’re far to determined to let it go and have a firm hold on confidence. Life has a way of knocking us around and placing doubt temporarily in our path. We’re rattled so we need a little while to get back. But we do and that’s confidence as well. Thanks for you comments.

      Rachel.

    • Hey Lea,

      Confidence comes from so many different areas and one aspect is experience. The more times we rely on ourselves the better we are able to adjust to mistakes and situations that are outside of our control. Its a bit topic. But believing in ourselves is the key. Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

  13. Hi Rachel,

    I really appreciate the way you summed up the article, describing the need to be comfortable in your own skin. Confidence is such an important topic and I believe it’s the foundation for other aspects of life e.g. love, health and friendships.

    For me, one of the best boosts to my confidence was learning about the ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts). Not even dealing with them, simply learning that everyone has them, even the most confident looking people.

    Disbelieving those thoughts was the next best step I took. I no longer believe my own internal narrative.

    I hope you do more on confidence.

    Best.

    Alan

    • Hey Alan,

      Its your first time to my blog, so welcome.

      Confidence has to do with ourselves. However there are so many components to this, I knew there would be. I had been putting off putting confidence under the microscope. And with good reason, its huge. I am going to keep on it so I can see what I find. And like you said it is what sows relationships, health and love together.

      I have never heard of the term ANTS before. I agree we are tuned with negative thought patterns. I can’t help myself Alan, I agree most of the negative thoughts are not worth a minute of attention. I have to go and investigate. I have to be clear on all fronts that I am not in avoidance. How I separate what I give time to is, when I have repeatedly heard a negative, I dismiss it straight away. I refuse it. However if there is something new (very rare these days), I give it my full attention, until I come to a firm conclusion.

      I had feared my thoughts for so long that I had to turn it around and this formed a habit of investigation. I rule my brain now, it no longer rules me. Okay when cookies are around I lose all control, but generally I control everything that goes on in this noggin of mine. Well as best as I can.

      Thanks for your comments.

      Rachel.

  14. Hi Rachel,
    I learned that confidence is what you feel when you are feeling good about how you conduct yourself. In college, In particular confidence was feeling that you are good enough, but as I grew into my skin I see that confidence is no longer about anyone else it’s about feeling good in you. Thank You for the article, it was a wonderful choice and made me think.

    Thank You,
    Lori English,MSW

    • Hey Lori,

      It appears that it’s your first time to my blog, so welcome.

      Confidence is something that comes from within. Its natural. Doesn’t require a plan. It certainly is representative in how we conduct ourselves.

      As we grow and mature, I believe there are different kinds of confidence. The 18 year old confidence certainly is different to the 35 year old confidence. Life experiences will shape our attitudes and thinking.

      Glad the post made you think. That is great feedback. Thank you.

      Rachel.

Leave a Reply