Doesn’t this short clip illustrate how careful we have to be when raising children? They learn by watching everything we do. A child will adopt all our habits (behavioural patterns). The things we repeatedly say and do.
Apparently there was a public outcry over this community announcement. It had me wondering whether beer drinkers felt attacked over their regular intake. Is alcohol more important than their youngsters’ high probability of drinking in the future?
We are all aware that liquor is a major problem in the lives of some. A responsible adult having a couple of drinks of an evening is no cause for concern. However it does not mean your child won’t have alcohol issues. There is no way of predicting that.
Don’t you think it is a clever campaign? It illustrates the influence adults have on children’s future thoughts and actions.
Children are not the only ones who learn through observation. I’m in my mid 40’s and still look for characteristics in others that I would like to make my own.
We all learn from one another. We adopt traits from those we admire and appreciate.
We unconsciously adopt the traits of others.
Believe it or not we employ the words and actions of others without thinking. That is why we really have to be watching ourselves all the time.
Isn’t he just the cutest kid? This clip made its way around the internet.
If we dig a little deeper we see what the child constantly hears, “Listen Linda”. If the saying, monkey see, monkey do is anything to go by. This snippet gives us an insight into how the adults communicate with one another. The child is mimicking what he hears and sees regularly.
This is how we learn, develop and create. However when you take on someone else’s characteristics, it must be mixed with your own personal touch. Without your own edge; it is like plagiarising someone else’s work and you become a fraud.
There can be nothing more harmful to our self-esteem than to be known as someone else’s carbon copy. There is a difference between being a protégé. Learning from someone great. As opposed to impersonating someone else without mixing it in with a piece of yourself.
There can be nothing more harmful to our self-esteem than to be known as someone else’s carbon copy Share on XWhile the difference appears subtle the outcomes are completely different.
I admire Harleena Singh’s (from AHA!Now); writing style. I read her work thoroughly, think about her ideas and how she presents them.
Through these observations I have learnt to be sincere and authentic. I attempt to leave comments that add value, highlighting my understanding of the subject. Delivering empathy when required, a solution or something worth while.
Our writing styles are different. It’s the quality I see in Harleena’s work that ensures I give it my all when I am responding. If I am not on top of my game I don’t leave comments. I have found Harleena’s style is the standard I want to maintain.
In Brent Jones’s (from Brent Jones Online) interviews and posts, he shares ideas and tips to increase our audience; and sharpen our marketing and blogging skills. On a regular basis I print out these posts. Highlighting areas that suit me and start making plans to action his recommendations. This is not copying, this is following instruction.
I also enjoy the moves and grooves of Pink. Her amazing lyrics and voice capture my attention. When I hear her songs, oh boy, do I want to be a singer, dancer and all round entertainer.
It would not matter how much practice I get in. Even if I paid for training I would not achieve this level of celebrity. Instead, I get to enjoy her for her talent. Sing till my heart is content and ruin her songs with my voice. I may even bust one of her moves out on the dance floor.
Who doesn’t like a gymnast, doing back flips, hand stands and cart wheels? Have you ever tried to attempt any of these movements? A gymnast performs these actions with style and grace. Yet we know it must have taken a lot of practice to get it to look so easy.
Think about Tiger Woods. He is the Golfing God. Some may like his style so much that they hire a coach and practice, practice, practice. Finally they reach a standard where they can participate in golfing tournaments. Now they get to compete at Woods’s level.
There are others that like his style. They’re aware of the hours he commits to golfing. The coaches and dollars that are invested. They don’t want Wood’s career path. They enjoy watching his game, analyse his style but play the sport casually.
There are times when we adopt someone else’s style or a particular attribute. We have to blend it into who we are as an individual.
When we see something in another that we appreciate we may:-
- Attempt to replicate particular traits into our own style.
- Admire and enjoy it although we don’t even consider taking it on.
- Follow advice and instruction.
What is the difference?
- Copying someone’s work word for word is plagiarism. It’s not adopting a particular element of an individuals’ style. Although the outcome can be damaging to credibility. OR
- When you adopt an idea, you must add your spin, tweak it your way, then you own it. It becomes your individual trait.
Have you ever liked a characteristic of someone and attempted to obtain it, yet failed miserably?
- Your best friend knows how to charm the opposite sex. When you attempt to do what they do – you flake it.
- Your Dad is good with a hammer and sword. If you get close to those tools you are a danger to yourself and others.
- Your work colleague is a legend at dealing with difficult customers. You manage, but once the ordeal is over it has zapped all your energy.
There are some traits we admire in others. These are the people we go to when we require an expert in their area. That’s what is wonderful about everyone having their own special talent. If we can’t make it our own we get to utilise them and their ability.
There are so many different characteristics I have adopted as my own, after seeing them in other people.
- I have well developed listening skills. This was achieved after being impressed by how one individual listened and responded to me whilst I was communicating. Their gestures and eye contact were what I thought exceptional. That motivated me to become a proficient listener.
- I taught myself how to read body language to use as a tool to develop relationships. I had seen a program on the advantages of understanding what our actions actually mean. After reading books and consciously watching myself and others I became very comfortable about my new way to communicating without words.
- I adopted the approach of telling my truths in story form. I saw how this method worked while attending group meditation sessions. The facilitator would share the weekly lesson by telling a tale to highlight the moral of the story. I gained valuable knowledge via this method. Rather than disagreeing with someone – I tell a story to convey my message without shutting down the lines of communication.
We take on different qualities we see in others right throughout our lives. Especially when we are learning something new. There is nothing wrong with it. It really is a compliment to that person you are learning from.
Some people go about their business and make their actions look simple. Yet when we attempt them, we realise there is a lot more to it than meets the eye. We make a choice at that stage to utilise this person for their skill set rather than attempt to make it a part of our own approach.
Never lower your standards or stop your flow by copying. It does not show off your own personal style, it is someone else’s. There is no integrity in this way of behaving. You don’t fool anybody at least of all yourself.
Children learn their behaviours from those who are regularly in their environments. So we have to be careful what we constantly say and do. Yet as adults we replicate traits from others and make them our own. We never have to copy. That is the big difference.
What traits have you adopted from others and made your own?
If you enjoyed this post don’t forget to leave a comment and tell me what traits you have adopted.
Hi Rachel,
Wonderful post indeed 🙂
Loved the videos, and you are right in saying about how kids copy their parents, which is why parents need to be good role models for their kids. They are silent observers and the quickest to learn by seeing, so all the more reason to be aware always.
It’s the same with adults, but as you mentioned, we must add our voice, our personal touch to whatever we write or say, whether it’s through our posts or comments, on our blogs or the social media.
Thank you so much for the kind mention, and so glad you like my writing style, which is just being me as I share my experiences and all that I learn through research work.
Let me add here that you are so good in the way you comment and interact, which is all due to your hard work, persistence, and dedication to keep learning and getting better each day.
You are right, it’s better not to comment if you cannot add value or have some other things keeping you busy. Just for the sake of commenting is another no-no for me. Simply put, I take my sweet time to comment, and I do it from the heart. You too are similar and you have your own style as an icing on the cake!
True about the way you do up your interviews, and those additional lines by you are so well done up.
Yes indeed, people from all walks of life influence us, but that doesn’t make us copy cats if we try to be a little like them. We cannot actually, as each one is different, but if we can learn and add a few drops of essence into our lives to make it better, nothing like it.
We are and will always be different from the original and we cannot even imagine or live their lives. But if we can enhance ours by learning from them, no harm at all. After all, that’s how we learn, from each other.
I liked all that you’ve learnt all along, and if you are a good listener, as you mentioned, half the battle is won!
I cannot really pinpoint what all I have adopted from others because there are SO many I now know in the blogosphere. Sometimes it’s been the way they have presented their posts, sometimes the way they commented, sometimes the way they were on social media, so always a combination of things. But each person teaches us something, that is for sure. Good or bad, that’s for us to pick up, isn’t it?
Thanks for sharing this wonderful post with us. Enjoy your weekend, while I am off to share this further. 🙂
Hey Harleena,
Welcome, always good to have you here.
I really enjoyed how you put it, “they are silent observers”. Aren’t they what. I never forget my Polish Grandparents teaching my sister to swear. When my mum came to pick us up my sister said the swear word and my grandparents thought it was adorable and were in hysterics. My mother was fuming mad with them. I can still see my grandmother bending over laughing so hard. Kids don’t need too much encouragement either.
When I start anything new like blogging I always go searching for the styles that are going to make me get better. I have said this a few times, but I landed at AHA my first week of blogging and I tell you it was such a blessing. But I have heard so many people who have joined your community have the same gratitude I have. So it is not just my own observations. You were the first to comment on my blog and I was so amazed from that very first comment, the depth and time you spent. However my first two posts I did on pages and I could not recover the comments (that is another story completely). I say credit given where credit is due.
Exactly – people show us a way of doing something we admire, their essence that makes a wonderful mix. I found that what I liked and adopted from others was like a blessing in disguise. Listening, body language, story telling. While I did not know what I would need them for, I wanted them.
Its funny because you last paragraph really nails how I feel too. I know I have unconsciously picked up so much from others inn blogosphere but can’t pin point who. But the learning curve is amazing. Now I read posts and I get most of the jargon. When I understand the buzz words I know I am making progress. Thanks for and amazing comment and your compliments.
Rachel.
Hello, Rachel–
I loved the video, which I hadn’t previously seen. I found it to be very powerful, indeed–while being incredibly simple. I enjoyed your post, as it showed me the other side of the coin, so to speak. I find that I am often the one being copied, and I must confess–it’s a bit maddening. When you work and strive and struggle to really be authentic and true to yourself, it can be upsetting to suddenly see others copying you. Sorry–just being honest. 🙂
Thanks again for the insight.
Blessings!
Hey Chanler,
Its your first time to my blog so welcome.
If you are continually being copied it must be trying on your patience. This link that I have attached is a post that I linked to the doc. You might get something from this – http://nathalielussier.com/blog/online-business-ideas/how-to-stay-ahead-of-competition.
I do wonder what your actions are when you see this so blatantly. I think your honest is refreshing. And stay mad – but also see it as a compliment. If they didn’t like your style they would not be copying. I know that does not compensate for hard work but maybe see it as a constellation prize. Thanks for your insight, much appreciated.
Rachel.
Hi Rachel,
What a wonderful article…and so true! We, as humans do emulate other’s behavior. That was pounded into my head as a child. My dad used to say to me “Show me who you stay with and I’ll show you who you are.” Yes..I was kept strict lol.
But as a child I realized that choosing friends who had morals, values, intelligence, were the one’s I hung out with. As an adult, I still feel the same.
This is why we need to socialize with those who have done more than us in our particular niche. We start learning from others…grow not only in business, but as human beings.
-Donna
Hey Donna,
Welcome back.
Your dad sounds like a wise man, and obviously did a brilliant job Donna. You sound like you were one ‘on top of it’ child. I did not think of friends in terms of morals, values or intelligence. I hung out with a number of different groups from the smokers at the back of the school, to the book worm in the library. I liked everyone but that had a way of getting me into trouble as well. I soon copped on.
I agree Donna we do have to hang out with those who have established themselves in their niche. That is how I have learned and taken things on. I have already got some great people who have high standards and that is what I attempt to maintain. I am a monkey see, monkey do kind of a girl. If I like someone’s style, I observe them. Thanks for your comments.
Rachel.
Hi Rachel,
After the awesome interview with Ikechi, another great post from you.
We can get inspired by others and develop new traits. But we should not copy from others. Well explained one.
Hey Emapathy,
Welcome back.
You nailed it. Be inspired by others. That’s what it is about. Never copying. As I was researching this topic I saw a number of posts where people were so tired of their mates copying and taking credit. Not putting your own spin on things has a way of turning good friends into distrusted enemies. Thanks for coming back.
Rachel.
Hi Rachel
An Amazing post!
It is absolutely right that the kids copy their parents. They do and speak what their parents do. so parents need to be careful about their activities when the kids are around.
No doubt that the adults also copy what they like in other people. But they should not be copy cats as you mentioned. Something of our own should be added to it.
Have a great day!
Hey Sonal,
Welcome back.
I agree parents do have to remember to watch what they say and do, but I think most parents want to do the best by the children. But sometimes we just don’t realise our actions can be louder than our words.
I have so many people I admire for certain traits I am always attempting new skills although I always have to put my spin on it. Thanks for your kind words.
Talk soon.
Rachel.
“In Brent Jones’s (from Brent Jones Online) interviews and posts, he shares ideas and tips to increase our audience; and sharpen our marketing and blogging skills. On a regular basis I print out these posts. Highlighting areas that suit me and start making plans to action his recommendations. This is not copying, this is following instruction.”
^ Wow, Rachel! I didn’t know you print some of my posts and interviews for future reference. That’s super neat! Gives me warm fuzzies.
I think it’s natural in the online space that we look to emulate those who are doing better than we are. I know I try to learn from people I view as leaders as often as possible.
A while back, Wade Harman told me social media is all about becoming a hero to one person at a time.
Don Purdum taught me to focus on creating one solution for one person with one problem.
Amber Hurdle taught me that business mojo (success) happens when what we’re good at, what we’re passionate about, and what people will pay us to do all intersect.
There’s lots of little nuggets I’ve picked up along the way.
But in truth, I do everything possible to avoid copying people.
A couple of people have done that to me… 100% copied my blog posts and published them elsewhere. Not cool.
Anyway, I certainly appreciate the kind words and the shout out. Chat soon,
Brent
Hey Brent,
Welcome back. Brent believe it or not I took a week off for planning purposes and used two of your posts to steer and guide me for the next six months. I highlighted, jotted down, cut and pasted parts to an exercise book. I am a fan.
I could not agree with you more – we certainly do emulate others. I consciously seek people out. I am always looking for a style, an individual that I identify with so I can observe them. People are my greatest teachers. However I have never found it necessary to copy. I enjoy showing me off and giving credit, where credit is due.
What Don said really resonated with me too. I have actually heard myself say out aloud, one problem, one person, one solution. Now that was a gem, wasn’t it? I am sorry to hear that others did copy you word for word. What a compliment in such the wrong way. Instant lose of integrity.
Thanks for your kind words.
Talk soon.
Rachel.
My nephew was OBSESSED with that video of the little boy for such a long time. In fact, since I was the one who showed it to him, he started to call me Linda all of the time so he was copying that little boy!
Hey Christine,
Oh that little boy was beautiful and so passionate. It was over a cupcake, I would be that passionate over a cupcake. So your nephew picked up something he liked from the video didn’t he Linda opps I mean Christine. Thanks for you comments.
Rachel.
It’s so funny seeing it in my boys. Sometimes the phrases they use or the way they do something is exactly like me or my husband. Now that my oldest is in school, I’ve noticed he picks up phrases (and some behaviors too) from other children. It’s so strange how quickly it changes for them as to who they emulate.
Hey Shann,
Welcome.
I bet you have had a lot of those moments when you have heard something come from your kids mouth and thought, oh that was me, or that was from hubby. When the kids start picking things up from school we become so aware how wonderful it is that they are communicating with others but it also shows some of the down sides. Because children are neutral when it comes to mimicking behaviours and talk of others. So you have to then pick them up on the comments that could lead to bad habits. I tell you the parents job is a tough one – lots of rewards by tough nevertheless. Thanks for your comments.
Rachel.
Hi Rachel,
Another thought provoking post that actually does encourage us to dig a little deeper 🙂
I personally had no problem with the first video, although given that people have their own perceptions, I can see why others might have found a reason to defend the actions taking place.
Nothing wrong with having a beer or a drink in front of your kid – as long as the whole thing is done with respect and open communication about what drinking is all about and how it can be used responsibly, or irresponsibly. What I don’t agree with, however, is including them in your habit by getting them to fetch your drink for you.
I don’t have kids, so I won’t be one to sit and pretend I know how to parent anyone, but I think the key is not to hide things from kids, but to get them to see things with clarity and knowledge. When kids are true to themselves, they will follow their own internal guidance systems – because they actually have one. But without this, it’s monkey see, monkey do.
So here’s digging even deeper –
When we do things unconsciously, we become those things. We are no longer the observer, and we don’t actually witness what we’re doing. We aren’t in a position to use critical thinking skills or to contemplate. We are on autopilot and the subconscious mind takes over and simply replays our intentions back to us – with our inability to see things clearly and therefore, act deliberately and from all angles possible.
That’s a copycat.
However, as you pointed out, there is also the benefit of being influenced by someone. In this case, you see what someone else is doing, but you’re in touch with your desire to implement a behavior into your life because you have given it thought and are making a decision based out of conscious thought and awareness.
To me, it goes to show that the same tool/behavior/principle can have opposite effects depending on the level of consciousness of the user.
If the woman in the second video hadn’t said she was the mom, I would have figured she was a babysitter by the way that child referred to her. I’d hate to be her when this kid becomes a teenager…not because he expressed his thoughts, but because while he wanted her to listen, he wasn’t willing to do the same.
Maybe he’ll snap out of that and learn that communication goes both ways. One can only hope.
I love your blog and I love your message.
Thanks for such an awesome post.
Hey Dana,
What a response Dana – thank you. You are so right about not including the child in the habit or fetching the beer. Crucial point you made. We can never determine what a child takes away with them, or what is in the DNA that may create future alcohol problems. But to stop drinking because you have kids – is changing your life style for the wrong reason. Alcohol is a part of many cultures – so deciding on how the family deal with alcohol certainly would be a discussion of importance.
There are many reasons for being a copycat. Being lazy, insecure about who you are as a person. The list goes on. Yes we do need to remain conscious (I thoroughly agree with you paragraph about the conscious mind) however that clarity only comes after training of the mind. Most people do fly on auto pilot – not because they forget or are in a bad spin but because they don’t know that being that observer (you are talking of) is taking control of their mind, actions and words. Your insight is for a well developed mind. Someone has looked into themselves and agrees that taking control of who we are is precisely what it is about. This is not knowledge or experience gained over night. I wish it was.
I saw the child clip on Ellen (okay my excuse is I watch her over lunch), it was an episode of isn’t he cute. I was actually surprised that people were not seeing the big picture. This was a young man who is adorable, talking over his mother (a learnt behaviour) – the mother was responding to the child making his behaviour acceptable. It certainly is not about the spunk he has – we always want that passion and fire to remain in a child. Although it requires parents to steer it in the right direction. He is a very strong willed boy. But like you stated if his behaviour is not bought into line as a teenager he will have communication problems.
I loved the end of your post. Maybe he will snap out of it. I’m not even going there. Thanks for a wonderful response. Your observer paragraph is extraordinary thinking and if you are practicing that level of thinking – well I am more than impressed. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Hi Rachel, Great post. You have beautifully crafted this post and delivered a beautiful message with such a simplicity.
I loved the video where it has shown how little one’s behavior depends upon their surrounding. We need to be little careful when we behave in front of our kids. May be, we have to be artificial sometime so that they may not behave in the same way or grab some bad behavior.
Have a great day and Happy Thanksgiving. 🙂
Hey Ana,
Welcome back.
As adults we make choices about what we say and do. However when we have children in the mix – it shakes everything up because we know they pick up on things (outside of context). Having a few drinks is not a dilemma, even if it is done regularly – that is a life style choice. As parents it has to be decided what you want children to see. Look its a toughy – you will never know what your kids take away with them. Truth, honesty and understanding would play at the forefront of my family. But I would not want to hold back on life because of the kids. Its really a juggling act, I believe. Thanks for your comments.
Rachel.
Hi Rachel
Sorry I am late in reading this post and glad I did because it is so superb plus has lots of insight.
I loved the videos which does show that kids copy from what they see and what they hear in their environments. When you copy a person character without your own personal touch, this is dangerous and it is easy for people to notice it.
I agree that we can learn from others and learn their methods or ideas but as you brilliantly highlighted, we must be careful so that we don’t pose an an impostor.
Thanks for sharing. Take Care
Hey Ikechi,
Hope all is well in your world. I have not been seeing you around for a while.
No poster imposing I agree. Of course we enjoy each others styles and pick up on things. There are so many bloggers that I take just a little bit from. I do my best learning like this. But I am a bit of a show off – I enjoy my skill set and presenting it. I think you enjoy yours too. I wish more people would enjoy theirs.
Copying says a lot about a person. If you liked your own style there would be no way you would do the complete copy. It is a give away that they have self confidence issues. Don’t copy you give yourself away. Ikecki good seeing you. Have a swell week.
Rachel.