Gossip excludes individuals.
You glance around the room, to find those same three people looking at you and then laughing or whispering amongst themselves. The first time this happened you were left wounded and hurt. Then you reprimand yourself for thinking others would gossip about you.
Most days, you are faced with the same behaviour. They have confirmed that you are a source of their chatter because they make comments about you within hearing distance.
They invest so much time and effort in you, that it leaves you feeling a number of raw emotions. Anger, paranoia, sadness and vulnerable.
You wonder what is so dam interesting about you; that can hold their attention for so long. This is what I call a backward compliment.
It is as if your presence places them under some magical spell – captivating them.
RELATED: The Dangers of Gossip. (This post is a story about gossip – great antidote).
Having to attend school, the work place or any situation where this type of behaviour exists; is a lot of pressure initially. It can impact us for hours after the situation has taken place. This is understandable when we first encounter circumstances such as this. We have no tools or experience with this sort of conduct.
When you first come across passive aggressive behaviour (hostile words said with a smile on their face), you may attempt to laugh it off; it’s uncomfortable but you are not so sure what is going on. You don’t want to create waves so you bare the brunt of an awkward situation. But it zaps all the positive energy from you.
What do you think about those people who gossip?
When I recognise the gossip group, I become a little weary. I know at some stage I will be a source of their conversation. This does not bother me. In fact I think I am gossip worthy. My only question is; does this behaviour have the potential to escalate into harassment, threats or physical violations.
Most gossip is not communicated in a positive fashion. That automatically warns us that there will be negativity that hovers. Having a reputation as a gossip monger tells people that:-
- The gossiper can’t be trusted (image people remembering your name for that reason).
- People guard their secrets around the gossiper.
- The gossiper desperately looks for faults in another, for the sake of feeling good about themselves.
- The gossipers are capable of incredibly nasty behaviour (not proud moments to look back on).
- The gossiper is influenced by others peoples’ business (they really do need to get a life).
- The gossiper wants to have power over someone (this shows fear of not being in control).
- The gossiper attempts to exclude individuals to make them feel bad.
Happy people don’t want others to be unhappy they encourage, guide and ignite. But your Hater smiles at the thought of hurting you.
Happy people don’t want others to be unhappy they encourage, guide and ignite. Share on XPeople in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. For you to be able to participate in such cheap talk, you must maintain behaviour that is above reproach. As we are all human we know for a fact we all make mistakes.
People may complain and even bitch about the gossiper, but they will never spend as much time and energy as the gossiper devotes to them.
Gossip does not expand the mind or broaden conversation skills. It leaves no room for growth.
Gossip does not expand the mind or broaden conversation skills. It leaves no room for growth. Share on XGossip is utilising the right skills in the wrong way. They get so good at finding error, negativity or looking down on someone and making assumptions.
If this was turned around into critical evaluation, it would be far more beneficial. Highlighting both the positives and negatives without an emotional attachment. Looking for facts not valuing third party information.
Gossip is a backward compliment.
Toxic Whispers.
Isn’t it fascinating, people claiming to hate you, yet they are investing so much of their time on you. When we don’t like a certain food we don’t eat it. When we don’t like a Television program we don’t continue to watch it. However the Haters tend to spend their time and energy devoted to you.
Your best mates want to be around you, support you, and give you their time. You reciprocate the same sentiments.
It’s funny how Haters do exactly the same thing but in a negative fashion. They want to be around you (this is evident by their words or actions), they support you (they are offering you their time and energy). One could near feel blessed that the Haters do exactly what you friends do. Don’t let these people harden you, or fill you with fear, they are not worthy of this.
Should strangers be able to hurt you?
Let’s be realistic here. If a strangers’ opening comment is an insult or a remark in an attempt to get a rise out of you, they are not wanting to engage in meaningful conversation or develop a lasting relationship. They target you to get your attention but their motivation is not to make a positive connection.
You don’t have an emotional attachment to strangers. They do have the potential to surprise, shock or even floor you. Why? As social beings we generally want to present our best side when we are meeting someone for the first time. We want to open up dialogue, not close it down before it has even begun.
There is no point to being impacted by a stranger’s negativity. It can go nowhere and it has no value. There is no incentive to even entertain the idea of communicating with someone who wants to rob you of your time for the sake of pestering you.
If a stranger is having an impact on you, you are taking their words to heart. That is what you do when someone has meaning in your life. You are giving them too much power. But until you understand this, it can sting a little.
Unfortunately there are many people presenting themselves in a negative fashion upon initial contact. There will be numerous opportunities to deal with these individuals. And you will learn a few techniques for managing these word terrorists.
We are all capable of telling the truth, without it humiliating, embarrassing or hurting someone.
Sheep mentality (following a leader without thinking).
Not everyone is able to lead. You can participate in a group, being known for initiative rather than blind obedience.
There are so many sheep out there, who just follow the leader or the group without thinking. These individuals are easily influenced because they don’t use their own minds. Either they don’t have the capacity to evaluate their past or present actions, or they are not strong or smart enough to weigh up the consequences before they act.
The Lambs have the potential of becoming sneaky and manipulative because they don’t want to shake up the status quo. Many a person in this category have taken responsibility for the actions of others or been jailed because they just followed without even thinking or did not have the balls to say, ‘no’.
Lamb mentality is easy to recognise on the internet. You receive a derogative remark and before long the Sheep buzz around this content, leaving similar statements. These people are not to be feared. While they seem nasty, hard arsed and malicious – had they fallen into the right crowd, they would have followed a great leader who could have shaped them differently.
There is absolutely no excuse for this destructive behaviour. Don’t entertain it, feed it, answer to it or indulge it. It can be hard to ignore because they like to be loud. Really acknowledge they are hurting themselves with poor and mismanaged self-representation.
Anybody who values their reputation, credibility and enjoy themselves won’t want to be linked with these people.
Once we become familiar with bad behaviour, we can use them to practise diplomacy, our marketing skills or trying to convert them into customers.
RELATED: Trolls the Damage They Do and What You Can Do About It. (This post highlights a trolls motivation and how it can destroy an individual or company reputation. A worthy read).
I can’t stress enough there is no point in thinking too hard about their behaviour as you have no ability to change it. Wear a protective shield so that once you are out of reading or hearing range, they don’t creep into your head space. Just because they have indulged you with their time, does not mean you have to return the action by dwelling.
Mediocre behaviour lacks strength and self-control. It is easy to be nasty. Getting good at this type of behaviour, is not a worthy skill or cause. Having no communication filter and saying whatever you want, is not a talent. We all have the potential to do that. We make a conscious decision not represent ourselves in this manner and that choice is an admirable quality.
Mediocre behaviour lacks strength and self-control. It is easy to be nasty. Share on XIf you enjoyed this post please share it. We have to make a stand against bullies.
Once again you have captivated my mind. Of course I have always felt like a person who gossips about someone else is indeed unHappy with themselves. However you put a more in depth look on the issue at hand. The thing that I want to do more than anything is to help those that are unhappy with themselves. You are awesome Rachel and I look forward to your next blog.
Deshawn Keiner recently posted…Lesbihonest Tuesday!!!!!
Hey Deshawn,
Thanks for the visit and the comments.
It sounds as if you have found your calling. Helping people is a worthy cause. Unhappy people are easily identified via their words and actions. So you will see and hear them coming. You have a great big heart. Talk soon.
Rachel.
I like how you turned a generally bad thing into a positive thing.
Tyler recently posted…Pleasing Everyone
Hey Tyler,
Welcome to my blog and thanks for reading my post.
Gossip is a waste of time and a really bad thing. It is important that others love themselves in hard times. Especially when you have bullies attempting to rip them a part. And that was the motivation of this post. Thanks for your comment. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Hi Digger0
Very interesting but a serious subject,
Gossip’ indeed is a dangerous thing!
It creates lot of confusion tension among those who involve as well as the third party.
A well written piece on this subject. The story of feather is more than enough to understand the seriousness of this when one involve in such activity ones you do it cannot be called back or rectified. Thanks for sharing,. I am here via ABC community of AhaNOW where this is curated.
Best
~ Phil
Philip Verghese Ariel recently posted…Whistle to answer a phone call for Android Mobiles [Auto Answer App]
Hey Philip,
Welcome and thanks for commenting. You delivered me some great news. My post has been curated, such a wonderful compliment.
Gossip is so toxic, dangerous and contagious. But I think we focus on what the gossipers do to others rather than how they present themselves. When we show people what their actions are showing us, we have more chance of getting them to think about what they are doing. I think that is very important. Sometimes we do things without even realising it and other times showing where weakness exists can really create change. And that is what I advocate. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Hi Rachel
So Amazing. You opened my eyes on the issue of Gossip. Thinking about it, it is strange that people who Gossip don’t realise how much attention and energy they give to their victim. it is strange that despite the fact that they claim to dislike their victims, they spend so much time talking about them.
I agree about the Lamb mentality and I do wonder why people would put themselves in such situation.
What a great post. Thanks for sharing. Have a swell week.
Hey Ikechi,
Welcome and thanks for the visit.
Yeah gossip is very toxic and hurts a lot of people. However the gossiper really reveals a lot about themselves to the world. When people speak badly about others it just makes sense that they are spending time and energy on people they claim not to like hey?
Some people aren’t aware of their actions. And this is the sheep mentality. This happens for a number of reasons. Some like to keep the peace in their groups, others are intimidated by some of the group members, the list goes on. But to doing without thinking is a very dangerous action, especially if the consequences are harmful to others. Cheers for the comments. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Nice article Rachel with an unusual point of view – a good one! One that I wished I had learned when I was much younger! It definitely would have made being the new kid in school a heck of a lot easier!
I’m part of the English-speaking community at a Vietnamese Buddhist temple, and of course, all the signs and reminders placed around the kitchen are in Vietnamese. Several of us had been curious for some time about a sign, with a Buddhist monk holding his pointer finger to his lips in a shushing gesture, was telling us to do. When we had a joint practice with the Vietnamese sangha, I asked one of them who spoke English what it said. She told me that it was to remind us to use kindness when speaking of others, and to not be malicious in our speech. In other words, gossip nicely! 🙂
Warm regards,
Quinn
Hey Quinn,
Welcome to my blog.
I wish I had seen it many years ago as I do now. But one can actually put my views down to a firm spiritual belief system.
Great news that you are a practicing Buddhist. I too love to sit and meditate. Have been on many retreats to be fully benefit from silence.
And I agree with the signs at the temple (use kindness when speaking of others), there is no point the other way around as it creates bad energy within us and then we send it out into the universe. We have to send love out into the universe don’t you think? That old saying really does matter: If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say it at all.
Thanks for your comments. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Hey Rachel,
Amazing topic you have came with on your blog. I appriciate your way of writing. Thanks for sharing such different topic with us.
Thanks and have a great week
Anant Patel recently posted…iOS 9: Entire Features at One Place [Infographic]
Hey Anant,
Thanks for the visit.
This topic seems to be popping up everywhere, so I thought I would put my spin on it.
Cheers for your kind words.
Rachel.
Hi Rachel,
Great point you bring up here: Gossip! It is one of the seven deadly sins. Gossip can destroy a person by hurting their feelings to worse. If I’m caught up with a group of people that are gossiping, I leave. I don’t say a word..just go away. It has an impact because I believe actions speak louder than words. If they ask why I left I tell them that I don’t enjoy negative communication. Now they can gossip about me lol.
My father used to tell me when I was young “every knock is a boost” People that gossip about you do so in order to make themselves feel better. I learned this early in life thank goodness. But also know that it is not my circus.
I call it one of the seven deadly sins because I am a practicing Catholic and gossip is a “sin” that must be talked about with a priest if one has done so. Gossip only causes harm to others.
Thanks for bringing up this topic.
-Donna
Donna Merrill recently posted…Boost Your Blog With Social Media
Hey Donna,
Welcome back.
History shows that gossip has been around forever. However it seems that with social media it is even more problematic than it ever has been. Some of the comments I see are so disheartening. I am not a practising Catholic but I still believe it is a sin and a toxic waste of energy.
Donna, generally the ones that lead are cause for gossip in other circles. I am glad you find the talk of you humorous and leaving is one of the best action, that would really stir the pot, without even intentionally meaning to. I can imagine you leaving a coffee shop with five others at a table. And one of them say, ‘what is up with her?’ Then the speculation of your actions become an hour of conversation. It really is a LOL moment isn’t it.
Sounds like your father really was preparing your for a tough world. Good on him and lucky you. Thanks for your comments. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Hello Rachel,
Wonderful post you wrote here once again. I love the way you put this.
Gossip is just compliments paid in the negative form. Like you pointed out, these chaps spend their time and energy devoted to you, though in a wrong form. But then, they are still devoted. haha.
When it comes to gossip, my style is to live a life that will prove the gossip wrong if what they are saying is negative. On the other hand, I get so busy living my life that I don’t even bother about them. The way I see it, my job is to live my life, and enjoy it. the job of these gossips is to spread their gossip. So I usually try to do my job and let them do theirs. That way, everybody is happy.
personally I don’t condone it. So when someone starts telling me about how someone said something about someone else, I usually switch off. I mean, why not tell em directly and save us all the whole stress. I digress.
Nice post once again Rachel. By the way, have you ever considered writing prose? you come across to me as a good story teller. The way you way you write your articles make them almost seem as if they are novels. They are insightful too.
Kudos
Toby Nwazor recently posted…10 Signs you should not Say “I do”
Hey Toby,
Welcome and thanks for your comments. I really enjoy your strong voice.
You got it right when you said ‘haha’. Gossipers really have no idea just how much energy they are devoting to others.
I am like you Toby – live your life your way and there will always be talk of you. That is a given. Let them go ahead, I am sure you are gossip worthy. I really wish I had of thought about the impressive statement you wrote. “My job is to live my life and enjoy it, the job of these gossips is to spread the word”. Big smile to that sentence-I can actually hear in a rap song where they go about saying ‘spread the word’, word, word.
I am not a big fan of gossip, I have entertained the gossiper and listened, but later on when I have reflected I have been annoyed with myself over it. So now I don’t indulge it. I either attempt to steer elsewhere or ignore it.
What a compliment you have paid me (but I had to look up what prose meant). I love telling stories, but I think I will stick with blogging, I just got here. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Hi Rachel,
Great article. I am reminded of painful experiences at school. I don’t think I have ever experienced since the hurtful gossip that happened there although the kids involved probably had no idea how hurtful it was.
On another level I remember a Greek friend of mine telling me that on the island she came from the women spent most of their time gossiping because they had nothing better to do. Life was so boring that they invented things to say about others. Perhaps in that respect it’s acceptable if they all participate and no one gets hurt by it.
Sandy Halliday recently posted…Easy Fruit and Vegetable Detox
Hey Sandy,
Thanks for visiting my blog.
Sandy School is really an education in getting through some tough times – the school of hard knocks. When people gossip is automatically shows a number of negative traits. I can’t stress enough that gossip, never remains in a positive zone. And once it begins it is a cycle that hurts a number of people.
I can see where you are coming from when your friend explains gossips on an island, but we can never think gossip is acceptable. It is a waste of time. They could have better spent their time talking about recipes, how to improve themselves or even focusing on other topics. When gossip begins it is a downward roll. And when anyone becomes accustomed or decentised to talking about others, it generally leads to festering in excitement by someone else’s dilemmas or misfortunes.
However in saying this, most of us do delight in sharing the good news someone has had. That is always something we should shout out at the top of our lungs. Thanks for you comments. Talk soon.
Rachel.
Hi, Rachel and thedigger0,
Very interesting article, and I couldn’t agree more! Gossip is a destructive thing and something we should definitely steer clear of. You’re absolutely right! It is hard to ignore because after all, we’re human and have feelings but need to be in control of what we allow to affect us.
Great article, Thanks for sharing. ?
Have a lovely weekend.
Take Care,
Carol Amato
Hey Carol,
Thanks for the visit.
I agree we all have feelings and gossip is destructive. I don’t know about you but my first experience of negative feedback had me a little shocked. The second time it happened I felt a little disturbed. But I only gave it a moment notice, because I dont want to impacted by a strangers words. I keep that for people I care about – when it should hurt. And you are right when you say we need to be in control of what we allow to affect us. Thanks for your comments – it was great to see you here.
Talk soon.
Rachel.
Hey Rachel,
Such an amazing post.
The term gossip isn’t that much good to hear. As you have mentioned above that its kind of backward compliment. Sure it is. People who do gossip at other’s back are not real. They don’t have guts to face the reality. It is always said that if you are real then show it to everyone. Whats the point in hiding and gossiping about other people?
I like the way you have described gossip and gossipers. People need to understand the positive and negative impact of their action.
Thanks a lot for bringing such an informative article to us.
Have a great week ahead.
~Ravi
Hey Ravi,
Welcome to my blog. Always good to see a new face.
Gossipers have a little too much time on their hands and they like to look at things in the negative. But nevertheless they are putting time and energy into the person they are talking about. I really attempt not to spend time on people that I don’t like, it just makes sense doesn’t it?
And I agree with you, if you have something to say – then face the person or stick with the old saying, if you don’t have anything nice to say – then just don’t say it. I don’t find gossipers brave at all, but I find them more ignorant than anything and who wants to hang around in that circle. Thanks for your comments. Talk soon.
Rachel.
A wonderful post! I have met many people in my life who are fishing for the compliments. They compliment others so that they can receive one for themselves. I loved the story.
One should never be a people pleaser. I totally agree with the statement -The more you keep fishing for compliments, the more you appear to be old and needy.
thanks fro sharing!
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Hey Swapnil,
Compliments are a valued source of feedback when they are presented naturally. Yet they should never be sort after nor expected. It creates situations where people may feel obligated to respond without giving any real indicators as to how they actually feel.
I have always pondered these talks. How to respond when these situations arise; as it can present an opportunity to open up dialogue in order to help the person fishing for these compliments grow. Being helpful rather than going along with the conversation.
Thanks for your comments.
Rachel.